Angry Hamster EVO II: Holy Crap, I Drove it
(and now I'm deaf)
by Dave Coleman
EVERY INSTINCT STARTS TELLING ME TO UPSHIFT AS THE DIN PASSES THE FAMILIAR DON’T-PUSH-YOUR-LUCK FREQUENCY OF 8000 RPM, BUT HAVING JUST DONE THAT IN PIT LANE, IT'S OBVIOUS NOTHING MEANINGFUL IS GOING TO HAPPEN AT SUCH LOW REVS. WITH AN ANGRY MOB OF LIKE-MINDED HALFWITS QUICKLY APPROACHING THE PART OF MY CAR THAT SHOULD BE A REAR BUMPER (BUT IS ACTUALLY A GAS TANK), I HAVE LITTLE CHOICE BUT TO PUT THE HAMMER DOWN AND EXPLORE THE UPPER FREQUENCY RANGES OF MY AUDITORY HELL IN AN EFFORT TO SEAMLESSLY BLEND WITH THE CHAOS.
Project Frankenmiata: Failure is ALWAYS an Option
Wanna see what happens when an engine eats a screw? Wanna know how to fix a head gasket with JB weld? Wanna know what a Mexican Dodge Stratus and a U.S. Subaru WRX have in common? Ever wondered if an engine with a thrown rod can still be driven? Start reading.
From LeMons to Le Mans - Eyesore Racing's Victory Tour
Part 1: Le Mans Night Practice
If there's ever any chance we'll be able to just show up without reservations and dine on the Mulsanne (unlikely), Thursday practice is our best bet. I find a guide suggesting a bad Chinese restaurant that was actually in Steve McQueen's plotless masterpiece Le Mans (back before it was a Chinese restaurant), and giving long-form old-man-on-the-back-porch-style verbal directions. With no printer and no functioning smartphone, I take a picture of the directions on the laptop screen so I can read them off the back of my camera and announce that I'm headed to the track. Bitter Dan, Jay and Kyle are dumb enough to join me, while the lady-folk and Ryan stay back to eat, relax, and pretend they aren't missing anything.
Part 3: The 24 Best Cars of The 24 Hours of Le Mans
Le Mans is, more than a race, an excuse for every car nerd in Europe to pull the garage queen out for a drive. The goofy, obscure, exotic Euro garage queen we can't seem to remember the name of. See if you can...
Part 2: More Than You Ever Wanted to Know About the Le Mans-Winning Corvette's Air Conditioner
Getting to Le Mans is hard. First you have to build a fast LeMons car, assemble a good team, wait until Jay Lamm gets drunk and sends out an e-mail promising to send the LeMons season champions to Le Mans, and then make an all-in press for championship points, landing on the podium at 7 LeMons races in that one critical year. Then you actually have to find the city of Le Mans, France. This time, we finally found it.
Frankenmiata: Dyno Secrets Revealed For The First Time!
Secrets? What Secrets? How about the secret to how we found 45 hp completely by accident? Or the secret to how we made 20 lb-ft of torque for $8.32?
Technobabble: The Garden Sprayer That Won 2 Championships
By Dave Coleman
That free garden sprayer still travels with me to every race, and topping off the coolant with it is a standard part of every Eyesore Racing pit stop. The procedure is simple. Just pump it up to 20 or 25 psi before the stop, then plug it into the radiator hose when the car arrives and open the valve. The 20-psi water in the bottle flows into the 12-psi cooling system, blowing the relief valve on the radiator cap.
Technobabble: Help Us Help You Avoid Tetanus!
The typical new tire introduction goes like this: The new Pazoosy Jaberwoky XR 745 Ultra R Super Star uses triple-inverted diagonal ply Inconel belts and a directional, asymmetrical tread pattern to optimize wet and dry grip, minimize road noise, increase your fuel economy and magnify your sex appeal. The sad truth is that neither the author, nor the PR team that fed him that line of technospew has any idea what triple-inverted diagonal ply Inconel belts are or what they do.
The secrets of the the FrankenMiata's handling have been hidden for too long. Time to reveal everything. How we stiffened the springs without lowering the car; how we used bumpstops for free travel; how we stiffened the sway bars, and knew how much to do it; and where we set the alignment. All without spending a penny.
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